Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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