The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
