Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
