I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
