he shaved USA in his pubs
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
