My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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