Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
