I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
