why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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