I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
