i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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