they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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