ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
