you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
