my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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