Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
