And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
