you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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