how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
