I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
