I swear she didn't look like that last week.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
