I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
