you guys were way drunker than both of me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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