also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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