i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
operation have a gay friend backfired
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
