you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
