Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize