im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
