Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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