I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize