I could have mohawked her pubes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
