my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
