Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
