I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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