Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
God, I missed his penis.
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