i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
