My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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