somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
