i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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