the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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