you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
