y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
