We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
