OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
