I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
