I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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