U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
pop tarts are not kleenex
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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