when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
