Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
