): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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