Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
