You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
