if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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