i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
