i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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