guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
