Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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