youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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