im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
