I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
