Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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