is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think i have two assholes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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