Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
