MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
