So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
