see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize