I wanna bring you to show and tell
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
