he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
