apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
