Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The uberlube is also flammable
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
