You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
