somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
