My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
