The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
