I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize